One Day at a Time - 5 Things to Remember on Your Journey Through Change!

"They always say time changes things, but you actually have to change them yourself." - Andy Warhol.

The most important changes we need to make often arise from our most difficult decisions. The path that brings us to the clearing of choice in the forest of life is often rocky and rough. When we get to this daunting open space, branching off to different options in our life, we get scared. Change is scary. It is an active decision rather than a passive existence. We most likely will have to push against the inertia of old habits (either our own or our social group) and thoughts. Change is an uphill battle in most situations. But it doesn't have to be unpleasant.


Here are 5 things that will help us on your journeys through change, whatever your changes may be!

1) Commitment: By understanding that changes require a commitment to ourselves, and readying ourselves for any obstacles that may come our way, or for any opposition by others to our decisions, we will place ourselves in a good position to follow-through on our plans for change. When we don't commit to change, we are only letting ourselves down. Remember this, and be accountable to you!

2) Perseverance: If you hold this tool in your emotional arsenal, you will never be without a defense. Perseverance is key to ensuring the changes you want to make in your life will materialize. Perseverance is most valuable when we struggle with maintaining our new habits or way of living. Visualizing your end-goal, and what you really want your life to be like is what fuels perseverance. On average it takes a smoker 7 attempts until they finally quit*. That's on average! This means there are some people for whom the number may be closer to 10, and some for whom it may be much less than 7. Knowing yourself, and staying true to your goals is what will help push you through difficult periods during change!

3) Visualization: I mentioned it in a previous point, but it bears repeating. If you can't keep the carrot-on-the-stick in sight, you will lose motivation. Since most changes are not tangible (quitting smoking, learning a new skill, moving out for the first time, leaving a toxic relationship), we need to visualize our new selves, and our new lives that our changes will bring us. Visualize yourself finally being free of the patterns and habits you've practiced over the years, and embracing healthier ones. If your goal is to lose weight and practice healthy eating, visualize and really feel what it will be like to be the healthier you. Whatever your goal and your reason for change, visualize the outcome.  

Visualize your success and take it.

4) Breathe! Remember, this is a marathon, not a sprint. Take some time to be mindful, breathe properly and center yourself before burning out. An often-used and well-known cliché term, "Rome wasn't built in a day" also applies to personal change; it won't happen overnight. On average, it takes roughly 66 days to form a new habit.* Depending on the magnitude and type of change you aim to be making, adjust this to anywhere between a few weeks and a few months (even upwards of 8 months!).
Now, if your goal is to increase the amount of water you're drinking per day, or throwing in a bit of exercise everyday, the amount of time to automate this as part of your routine will be less than changing lifelong habits (such as the types, amounts and timing of the food you eat, for example).
With all change, however, the point is to remember: it takes time, and be patient with yourself! You will get there if you want it bad enough!

5) Seek support: Friends and family are automatic go-tos when we need support, so why not lean on them when you need some help during your period of change? Chances are they will be encouraging, and may even want to enact some change in their own lives! You might serve as inspiration for them! Being able to support each other will go along way to ensuring each of you meet your goals. If friends and family as a support-network are not options, consider joining a group in your community. If you are aiming for weight-loss, for example, join or start a walking or running group, or join classes at the local gym. Whatever works for you is best! If you are planning relationship/personal-changes, meet with a counselor specific to your interests and go from there. Also, career-fairs and informational sessions are very helpful when planning a change in your career. A certified career-counselor will also be able to assist you on your journey.

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Other topics you may be interested in: 

 Setting Goals

 What motivates you?

Engine for Change - Motivation for self-relection and self-improvement. 

A Journey of a Thousand Miles Begins with a Single Step

Overwhelmed? Carve a staircase out of a wall!

* Information from HealthBC
*  Lally, P., van Jaarsveld, C. H. M., Potts, H. W. W. and Wardle, J. (2010), How are habits formed: Modelling habit formation in the real world. Eur. J. Soc. Psychol., 40: 998–1009. doi: 10.1002/ejsp.674

Architect of Your Own Fortune

 (PHOTO: Me on part of the Drakensburg Mountains in South Africa)

   

Everyone is the architect of their own fortune. 

This quote (adapted to fit today's language styles) has been credited to various people, but Appius Claudius Caecus (340 BC – 273 BC) said it first in a speech addressed to Cineas, declaring that Rome would never surrender.

 How does that apply to you, here in the 21st century? There is deep wisdom in the phrase. It implies that everyone has the power to direct their own lives; create the fortune that makes them happiest. 

 You hold the key to unlocking your ultimate life. 

           You also hold the key to beating depression, anxiety or whatever you may be fighting. It's not easy to have your ultimate life, or reach your full potential. It's difficult. Really difficult. Most things worth anything are very hard to get, or achieve. That is part of what makes them so alluring, and in the end, so rewarding. Would you feel as proud if you achieved something without even trying? No (well maybe you would, but I'm guessing no), you'd feel bored. Part of achieving your goals and reaching your pinnacle is the road along the way. The obstacles you overcome help you grow and gain strength (mentally, physically and spiritually). 

           Though the path you desire to carve through life may seem daunting, and reaching your goals impossible, it doesn't have to be so. Especially when you remember that you have the power in yourself, and you can control your choices. Control is generally an illusion. We can't control the weather, or nature. But we can control our reactions to events and our choices in life. 

            In following our paths we will come across obstacles, they are an inevitable part of life. We will fall down. Nothing is perfect. Life is not perfect. Life is not fair. There is only one way past these obstacles: "adapt and overcome"; to borrow a phrase used so often by Bear Grylls (survivalist, writer and producer). 

            Though his shows are generally over-the-top, somewhat set-up and usually involve an inordinate amount of creature-killing, his expression is exactly what so many of us need to hear. And it's not just applicable to surviving nights out in the flat tundra of the arctic. 

           To adapt and overcome applies to so many facets of life. Overcoming any obstacle or challenge naturally involves accepting the situation and gradually re-adjusting our route. We can choose to get stuck behind the obstacle and sit there, waiting. But the obstacle will go nowhere and neither will we. Only when we choose to be the Architect of Our Own Fortune and press forward, adapting to our situations and overcoming them gradually with the help of friends, family and other social networks will we move forward on our journeys to health, happiness and success.

Please take a few moments to listen to this very motivating song by a progressive metal band from Sweden:
Circus Maximus - Architect of Fortune

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Other topics you may be interested in: 

 What motivates you?

Engine for Change - Motivation for self-relection and self-improvement. 

Staying Motivated when Discouraged

"A Journey of a Thousand Miles Begins with a Single Step"

 

"A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step." 

Lao-tzu, The Way of Lao-tzu 

Chinese philosopher (604 BC - 531 BC)

          Today I was speaking with a friend about motivation, road-blocks and walls. We are both musicians, and aspire to create. There is nothing like the feeling of cohesive music that just flows from your mind into your instrument and out into beautiful music. There is nothing like writing the perfect poem or story, or achieving your goals. But there are so many potential obstacles that can arise along the way. The thoughts of encountering these obstacles, or actually encountering them, is enough to stop most people's motivation dead in its tracks.

The same is true for coping with depression or anxiety. There are many walls and obstacles that can crop up - some may be physical, some may be emotional/mental. Sometimes the simplest task is overwhelming and the urge to shrink from it is strong. Getting out of bed some days can be very hard for some people. Facing a personal fear can be daunting. Finding the will inside to keep pressing forward, through the emotional fog and walls can be exhausting. Finding the motivation can sometimes seem impossible.

As people, we don't often give ourselves credit where it's due; we are our own hardest critics, our worst judges. It has been said before and it's true. But this mindset doesn't help to keep you motivated, and it definitely doesn't keep you feeling mentally well. We rarely look behind us to see where we have come, the challenges we have conquered, the goals we have achieved. We are constantly looking forward, berating ourselves for not being there yet, not being better yet, not being good enough.

When taking on a big battle like fighting depression and anxiety, or setting long-term goals, or starting a new routine or habit, people don't often acknowledge the little steps they take along the way in order to make it to the end goal. It's an all-or-nothing, black-and-white perspective that will leave them feeling defeated.

I didn't do all the tasks I had set out today. I'm a failure. 

I didn't run the whole 5km. I didn't succeed.

I didn't.... 

This list can go on.

But, chances are, you did do some of the tasks on your list. And chances are you at least put on your shoes, maybe took a few steps, maybe you ran half your 5k. Chances are, you did do something to help you achieve your goal. These are little steps.

They are the most important steps you will take.

Little steps are what set you in motion for sustaining habits; they are the power behind the inertia of routine. They will get you to where you are going.

Be happy with the little steps, as they are the biggest part of your journey.




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Other topics you may be interested in:

Overwhelmed? Carve a Staircase Out of a Wall!

Engine for Change - Motivation for self-relection and self-improvement.

Motivating and encouraging statements - Help yourself stay above the water!

Staying Motivated When Discouraged

Bumpy roads!

I don’t know how many of you sometimes actually feel that you want to be depressed, or angry or otherwise in a bad mood when it starts coming on... The oxymoronic thing about depression is that, though one may want to feel better or good, thoughts and moods are like water – they travel and follow the easiest path. If you have spent many years thinking and feeling particular ways, then it is likely that in times of stress, or just in general, you will continue to think that way.

As an example, imagine a crevice slowly etched over the years into rock by a river or quick-moving stream. Your thoughts are like that water, gradually finding the softest and most malleable parts of the rock substrate. Eventually, a path is formed and the water will travel that easiest and least-resistant way.

This is also why when you are trying to fight these long-engrained habits that you find it difficult – imagine trying to make that water travel over the raised parts of the rock, it’s just not possible (because it’s water!) but we are lucky that as humans we have control over our reactions, if not some over our moods as well.

What do I want you to take from this?

On the road of life (because that’s what this is) we are going to encounter days and times when we are not on the top of our game or moods. Accept it, and try to learn from the situation that you find yourself in. Be easier on yourself when you are feeling low. Reach out if you are finding you need someone to talk to. And remember that it doesn’t mean you have failed just because you have hit one bump. Think about the drive to work (or my one-hour drive to work!) and how many bumps you must hit on the way! Can you remember exactly where they are? I am sure you notice them while actually driving, but in moments you have forgotten them. Just as with those bumps, you will eventually forget these mood-bumps, so don’t worry about them affecting your future. Likely no one else will notice either.

So, accept your mood today. Understand that it doesn’t change you as a person, and that it is transient and that you have the ability to modify your reactions to situations as they occur. It can also help to track your moods and thoughts in your journal. Work on the moment – cope with your symptoms as they arise, and focus on the positive things in your life. This will help you dig a way out of a hole if you find yourself slipping down.

                                                            Conquer on!

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